I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
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