he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
