if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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