someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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