that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
