they need to just BURY HIM!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
