Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
