one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
