I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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