It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm like, not good at living.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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