She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
