i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
