alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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