who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
