The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
