feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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