Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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