oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
