I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
