just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
