Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
