I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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