Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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