Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
no you cant smoke seaweed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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