she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
