i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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