I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
