How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
