did you get engaged???
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
