All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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