so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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