i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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