Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
