Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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