Hey man sorry I got all grabby
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
