I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dignity is for republicans.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
