you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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