honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
