having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
