He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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