Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i dont even know how to be here
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
