Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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