69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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