im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
