I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
