Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
