Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
