take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
