Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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