Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
