think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
