I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
