Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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