ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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