I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
